Key Points from Book: The Charisma Myth

Charisma in conversation:
Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences
Reduce how quickly and how often you nod
Pause dor two full seconds before you speak

Charisma components: presence, power, warmth

Being present, paying attention to what’s going on rather than being caught up in your thoughts can yield immense rewards. When you exhibit presence, those around you feel listened to, respected, and valued

Display charismatic body languange

Create a charismatic internal state so your body languange will authentically display charisma

Get the internal state right, and the right charismatic behaviors and body languange will pour forth automatically

Any discomfort, either physical or mental, can impair how you feel, how you perform, and how others perceive you

Prevention is optimal, plan ahead to ensure comfort in clothing, location, and timing

If physical discomfort arises during an interaction, act promptly ro alleviate or explain it

Understand that some mental negativity is normal and something that everyone experiences

To be charismatic you must first lesrn to overcome the primary obstacle to charisma, internal discomfort

Handle internal discomfort by: destigmatize your discomfor, neutralize your negative thoughts, rewrite your perception of reality

Destigmatize and dedramatize uncomfortable feelings by remembering that they are survival instincts and a natural part of the human experience.

Neutralize unhelpful negative thoughts by remembering that the mind often distorts reality and filters your environment to highlight the negative

Rewrite reality by considering a few helpful alternatives to your current perspective

Focus on the sensations of discomfort, it gives your mind something concrete to focus on, drawing your attention away from your feeling that the experience is unbearable

Creating an optimal mental state is crucial to unleashing your full charisma potential

Visualization can help you create the right mental state and thus the righ charismatic body languange

You can increase both warmth and confidence by practicing gratitude, goodwill, and compassion for others as well as yourself

Plan a gradual warm up to reach your peak charismatic performance

Your body affects your mind. Express it on your face

Stretch out of your comfort zone in low stakes situations

Coming from a place of genuine goodwill gives you the best chance of getting your charisma right

People feel most comfortable with those who are similar to them in some way, including appearance and behavior

A good handshake can go a long way

Great conversationalists keep the spotlight on the other person snd make them feel good about themselves

Know how to gracefully exit a conversation, leaving others with positive feelings

Great listening skills are key to communicating charismatic presence

People associate you with the feelings you produce in them

Make people feel good, especially about the,selves

Get a graphic, use pictures, metaphors, and sensory rich languange ro convey compelling, charismatic message

Ipuse few words as possible, and deliver as much value as possible: entertainment, information, or good feelings

To emanate vocal power, use a slow, measured tempo, insert pauses between sentences, and drop your intonation at the end

Smile, or imagine smiling

Nonverbal communication amplifies verbal when the two are congruent

When they are in conflict, people belief the nonverbal better

Your emotions can spread to other people

To communicate warmth, aim to make people feel comfortable: respect their personal space, mirror their body languange, keep your eyes relaxed

When people come to you in need of reassurance, first mirror their body languange, then lead them to more calm, open, and confident positions

When people are defensive, break their body languange lock by handling them something to look at or something they will have to lean forward to take

To project power, take up space and be still

Cut out verbal and nonverbal reassurance like head bobbing and excessive uh-huh-ing

With difficult people, express appreciation for their help or positive impact, it’ll make them rationalizd their actions in your favor

When delivering bad news. Get into a state of compassion, and show warmth and care in your timing, body languange, and verbal languange

When delivering criticism, get into a state of goodwill, and focus the request for change on specific behaviors rather than on personal traits

When delivering apologies, show presence in hearing them out completely, show warmth in your apology and show power in how you’ll correct the mistske or prevent its reoccurence

Your presentation shoukd have one main, simple, clear message, supported by three to five key points

Support each point with entertaining story, statistic, concrete example, vivid metaphor

Make your presentation short and entertaining

Arrive early, walk the stage to visualize and own it

Use a wide, well balance stance and take up as much space as possible on stage

Speak as if you are sharing a secret with the audience, telling them something special and confidential

Keep eye contact for one to two seconds per person

Pause frequently and deliberately to show confidence and add drama as well as give yourself a chance to breath

Express high expectations of people, and communicate your complete confidence in their ability fo rise to the occasion

Articulate a bold vision, show your confidence in your ability ro realize that vision, and act decisively to achieve it

Show vulnerability to balance your charisma

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About agent909

Kevin Yulianto is a private trader and equity portfolio manager with over 4 years of experience. He was born in Jakarta at July 18th 1994, graduated with Bachelor of Medicine Degree from Atma Jaya Catholic University of Indonesia in 2015 and is expected to receive Master of Management Degree from Binus Business School in 2017. Currently he is pursuing his professional certification in the CFA and FRM program, in which he passed level 1 for both program in 2016. Kevin is an avid traveler and photographer, with a record of 32 countries visited in 2016. He is a freelance contributor at Getty Image and is running two website in his spare time, journeyman.live and idxstockwatch.wordpress.com.
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