Key Points from Book: Never be Lied to Again

Liars trait:
No or little eye contact
Lack of gesture of openess, defending gesture: Arms and legs crossed
Stiff movement, no fluidity
Hand goes straight to face while responding a question
Shrugging
Lips smile, not a big grin
The timing of expression is off
Contradictory movement
A response that is not genuine is not spontaneous
There’s movement away from the accuser possibly in the direction of the exit
Reluctant to face the accuser and turn his head of shift his body away
Slouch, he is unlikely to stand tall with his arms out or outstretched
He will not point his finger (it is asign of firmness)
He may place physical object between himself and his accuser
He will use your words to make his point
He will keep adding information until he is sure you are convinced
Watch for the good old freudian slip
He depersonalizes his answer by offering his belief on the subject instead of answering directly
He may imply an answer but never state it directly
Deceitful responses to wuestions regsrding beliefs and attitude take longer to think up
Reactions that sre all out of proportion to the question
The person who is lying may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonoud and inexpressive voice
Statements sound an awfuk lot like questions, indicating that he is seekong reassurance
We often see the world as reflection of ourselves
When a person is confident about what he is saying, he is more interested in you understanding him and less interested in how he appears to you
The point of view of a third party is likely to be absent from liar’s story, negative aspects or accident too
A liar willingly answer your questions but asks none of his own
When the subject is changed, he is in a better, more relaxed mood
He does not become indignant when falsely accused
He uses phrases as “to tell you the truth”
He has an aswer to your question down pat
He stalls by asking you to repeat the question or by answering your auestion with a question
What he is saying sound implausible
He says “I don’t want you to think…”
She uses humor or sarcasm to defuse your concerns
He offers you better alternative to your request when he is unable to give you what you originally ask for
All his facts relating to numbers are the same or multiplies of one another
There is evidence of involuntaryresponses that are anxiety based
He uses an obvious fact to support a dubious action
She casually tells you something that deseves more attention
He exclaims his displeasure at the actions of another who has done similar so that you will not suspect him
If he lies about one thing, everything he says is questionable
His story is so wild that yipou almost don’t believe it

Getting the truth:
Phrase a question that sounds perfectly innocent to an innocent person, but like an accusatuin to the guilty. Innocent person will ask back, while the guilty will be defensive
Ask him an opinion about a scenario exactly like what you suspect him doing
It’s amazing how someone could cheat and doesn’t realize I’m on his back the whole time
Ask your question directly, don’t let him think
Never reveal what you know first, aks question to gather information to see if it’s consistent with what you already know
Have an open up gesture will make him do the same
Know his lying pattern and habits
Ask open ended question
Silence will make him feel uneasy and talk more
Saying, really?, see if his voice is raised means he is lying
Ask sudden death question such as “Is there anything you want to get off your chest?”
Ask a leading question such as,”you were back by 2 am last night, weren’t you?”
You’ve got to be kidding! That will throw her off balance
Tell her, this is not going to work
Use time line distortion, your 25 years old son took your car 15 years ago had less impact than your 10 years old son took your car
Say, “we’ve all done things we are not proud of”
I’ve just found something out and I’m really hurt. I know you are going to lie to me and try to deny it, but I just want you to know that I know
I think we both know what I’m talking about. We need to clear the air and we can start by your talking
The longer I wait, the madder I’m getting
We are all talking about it, everybody knows
Ask where somebody was at the time of incident and after that say that you have an evidence of cctv or fingerprints
Inform without look suspecting
Said that your friend see who is doing it but doesn’t know his name
Accuse him of everything and he will confess the thing he actually did
Stare, lock her eyes and ask again
Tell him that you know he did it and you need someone who know how it is done
An innocent person will try to set things right and clean his name
I just want you to know I had herpes, if he get defensive then he is guilty
Tell him about his future with all the facilities he will have or getting none of it at all, even losing his job. But you need to know the truth
Tell him you’ve done it too and understand his position
Tell him you don’t want to know what he has done, but why he done it
Tell him that you do the wrong things too and maybe could cooperate
Have leverage, I want to hear it now, after tomorrow anything you say won’t matter
Ask him what you could do to stop him doing it again
You know what I can do , and I’ll do it. If you don’t want to tell me now, don’t. I’ll just do what I have to do
Engage his ego by saying, I guess you are not aloowed to tell me right? You are one of (his boss name) bitch
Make the person believe he is on your side, and he need to come clean now before the higher authority check it
Give no indication when the penalty will occur
Convey that hus entire life will be disrupted and worsened
Pretend that you don’t give a damn

Detecting deceit in conversation:
Ask a fact of his experience, be detailed
Add a false fact and see if he say the truth
Ask a proof of his doing
Had you done it, how would you do it?
If you don’f tell me, no one else will. If I can’t count on you for this, I don’t know what I would do
Ask him what it take for him to love the idea
Tell him he doesn’t have to discuss it if he doesn’t want to, this will lower his defense
Say to him what you have at stake if he doesn’t do the job right
Ask for clarification of what he really want to say by this words: meaning, and, so, now
Strong words for the truth to be told: because, let’s, try

I am different from Washington, I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not tell lie. I can lie, but I won’t- Mark Twain

Asking the truth:
Tell 4 true statements followed by one suggestion, then 3 and 2, then 2 and 3, then 1 and 4
Watch for behavior you embed in sentences, “I don’t know if you are lying, unless you feel like blinking your eyes fast if you are
Tell him that he is a new person who is honest, not the old person of him
Trying to remember the truth, eyes goes up-left for right handed person
Anchor the truth to pleasure and lies to pain

Ten commandments of human behavior:
Decisions we make are based on emotion
How to deal with bad news depends on how it is internalized, depressed is caused by feeling that the situation us permanent, critical or significant, and it will invade and pervade other areas of her life
Changing person physiology could change his mood
Don’t ask someone to change his decision without giving him additional information
Amplify the problem in order to reach a solution
People do what you expect them to do
You must be able to walk away, it comes to who needs who more
When we like what we do, we are single tasking. And when we don’t, we are multitasking
Every of our decision is based on pain and pleasure

The truth is the same from every angke. A lie always meeds to be facing forward- David J. Lieberman

We like someone who just like us

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About agent909

Kevin Yulianto is a private trader and equity portfolio manager with over 4 years of experience. He was born in Jakarta at July 18th 1994, graduated with Bachelor of Medicine Degree from Atma Jaya Catholic University of Indonesia in 2015 and is expected to receive Master of Management Degree from Binus Business School in 2017. Currently he is pursuing his professional certification in the CFA and FRM program, in which he passed level 1 for both program in 2016. Kevin is an avid traveler and photographer, with a record of 32 countries visited in 2016. He is a freelance contributor at Getty Image and is running two website in his spare time, journeyman.live and idxstockwatch.wordpress.com.
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