To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self esteem
We tend ti feel most comfortable, with persons whose self esteem level resembles our own
There is no greater barrier to romantic happiness than the fear that I am undeserving of love and that my destiny is to be hurt
What is required for many of us, paradoxical though it may sound, is the courage to tolerate happiness without self sabotage
It would be hard to name a more certain sign of poor self esteem than the need to perceive some other group as inferior
Self esteem, high or low, tends to be a generator of self fulfilling prophecies
High self esteem people can surely be knocked down by an excess of troubles, but they are quicker to pick themselves up again
If my aim is to prove I am enough, the project goes on to infinity because the battle was already lost on the day. I conceded the issue was debatable
Self esteem is not a subtitute for a roof over one’s head or food in one’s stomach, but it increases the likelihood that one will find a way ro meet such needs
We have reached a moment in history when self esteem, which has always been a supremely important psychological need, had also become a supremely important economic need
If we lack adequate self esteem, the amount of choice offered to us today can be frightening
To have high self esteem is to feel confidently appropriate to life
The right use of our conciousness is not automatic, is not wired in by nature
We are the one species that can formulate a vision of what values are worth pursuing and then pursue the opposite
A disservice is done to people if they are offered feel good notions of self esteem that divorce it questions of conciousness, responsibility, and moral choice
In a world in which the total of human knowledge is doubling about every ten years, our security can rest only on our ability to learn
Self respect entails the expectation of friendship, love, and happiness as natural, as a result of who we are and what we do
A concern with right and wrong is not merely the product of social conditioning. A concern with morality or ethics arises naturally in the early stages of our development
Pride is the emotional reward of achievement. It is not a vice to be overcome but a value to be attained
Relaxation implies that we are not hiding from purselves and are not at war with who we are
High self esteem is intrinsically reality oriented
A mind that trust itself is light on its feet
We are challenged to raise the level of our conciousness in the face of emotional resistance
I can project an image of assurance and poise that fools almost everyone and yet secretly tremble with a sense if my inadequacy
Innovators and creators are persons who can to a higher degree than average accept the condition of aloneness
What determines the level of self esteem is what the individual does
We must become what we wish to teach
6 pillars of self esteem:
Living conciously
Self acceptance
Self responsibility
Self assertiveness
Living purposefully
Personal integrity
Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self esteem suffers
When we live conciously we do not imagine that our feelings are an infallible guide to truth
Fear and pain should be treates as signals not to close our eyes but to open them wider
A business leader who operates at a high level of conciousness plans for tomorrow’s market
To find it humiliating to admit an error is a certain sign of flawed self esteem
Do I know what I am doing when I particularly like myself and what I am doing when I don’t?
Self destruction is an act best performed in the dark
We tend to be more concious in some areas of our life than in others
Self acceptance my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself
I cannot forgive myself for an action I will not acknowledge having taken
Accepting, compassionate interest does not encourage undesired behavior but reduces the likelihood of it recurring
When we fight a block it grows stronger. When we acknowledge, experience, and accept it, it begins to melt
We can be as frightened of our assets as of our shortcomings
No one owes me the fulfillment of my wishes
Taking responsibility for my happiness is empowering. It places my life back in my own hands
Often what people call thinking js merely recycling the opinions of others
No one is coming to save me
Self assertiveness means the willingness to stand up for myself, to be who I am openly, to treat myself with respect in all human encounters
My life doesn’t belong to others and I am not here on earth to live up to someone else’s expectations
Healthy self esteem asks that we leap into the arena, that we be willing to get our hands dirty
Some people stand and move as if they have no right to the space they occupy
The temptation to self betrayal can sometimes be worst with thise about whom we care the most
It is easier for people to understand these ideas as applied to work than to personal relationships. That may be why more people make a success of their work life than of their marriages
The root if our self esteem is nit our achievements but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve
If I don’t do something, nothing is going to change
When we behave in ways that conflict with our judgement of what is appropriate, we lose face in our own eyes
Most of the issues of integrity wef ace are not big issues but small ones, yet the accumulated weight of our choices has an impact on our sense of self
The idea of original sin is anti self esteem by it’s very nature
Only we see that living up to our standards appears to be leading us toward self destruction, the time has come to question our standards
One of the most positive aspects of the women’s movement is its insistence that women think for themselves about who they are and what they want. But men need to lesrn this kind of independent thinking as much as women do
Lies do not work
The challenge for people today, and it is not an easy one, is to maintain high personal standards while feeling that one is living in a moral sewer
No other individual or group has the power to determine how I will think and feel about myself
At the most fundamental level, I am for myself
My self esteem is more valuable than any short term rewards for its betrayal
To evolve into self hood is the primary human task. It is also the primary human challenge, because success is not guaranteed
The greater a child’s terror,a nd the earlier it is experienced, the harder the task of building a strong and healthy sense of self
Loong before a child can understand words, he or she understands touch
We do not serve a child’s development by making self reprudiation the price of our love
When we convey love, appreaciation, empathy, acceptance, respect, we make a child visible
Inappropriate praise can be as harmful to self esteem as inappropriate criticism
No one was ever made good by being informed he or she was bad
Making mistakes is integral to a great deal of learning
There is perhaps nothing more improtant to know about children than that they need to make sense out of their experience
Were you encouraged toward obedience or toward self responsibility?
To persevere with the will to understand in the face of obstacles js the heroism if conciousness
Of any professional group it is teachers who have shown the greates receptivity to the importance of self esteem
Self esteem pertains to that which is open to our volitional choice. It cannot properly be a function of the family we were boen into, or our race, or the color of our skin , or the achievements of our ancestors
What is needed and demanded today, in the age of the knowledge worker, is not robotic obedience but persons who can think
Low self esteem teachers are typically unhappy teachers
One of the greatest gifts a teacher can offer a student is the refusal to accept the student’s poor self concept at face value
A teacher should be a prospector, looking for gold
Compassion and respect do not imply lack of firmness
We can learn to recognize and accept our emotions without losing our minds
We know a lot about the skills that make for competence in human interactions, and this knowledge needs to be part of young person’s education
The economic need for large numbers of people with decent levels of self esteem is unprecedented and represents a turning point in our evolution
Today, what we see is no longer management and workers but an integration of specialists
An overattachement to the known and familiar has become costly and dangerous, it threatens both organizations and individuals with obsoloence
Freedom means change, the ability to manage change is at least in part a function of self esteem
Global competition is a far more powerful stimulant to innovation than domestic competition
We are now operating in a context of constantly escalating challenge
From the boardroom to the factory floor, work is understood more and more clearly as an expression of thought
Capitalism created a market for the independent mind
The more unstable the economy and the more rapid the rate of change, the more urgent the need for large numbers of self esteeming individuals
A commitment to lifelong learning is a natural expression of the pratice of living conciously
The successful organization of the future will be an organization geared to self esteem
It is a fallacy to say that a great leader should be egoless
The policies that support self esteem are also the policies that make money
It was my view from the beginning that a primary task of paychotherapy is to help build self esteem
Raising self esteem is more than a matter kf eliminating negatives, it requires the attainment of positives
A therapist is not a cheerleader
Everyone who has any familiarity with psychology knows about the danger of disowning the murderer within. Far fewer people understand the tragedy of disowning the hero within
I have never worked with a depressed personality whose child self did not feel hated by an older part
We sometimes find that the process of self acceptance is blocked and we do not know why
Unhealing pain from the past represents yet another barrier in the quest for stronger self esteem
When we eliminate negaitves, we clear the way for the emergence of positives, and when we cultivate positives, negatives often weaken or disappear
If we develop properly, we transfer the source of approval from the world to ourselves, we shift from the external to the internal
The root of the need for self esteem is biological, it pertains to survival and continued efficaious functioning
To the extent that a culture suppresses the natural impulse to self assertion and self expression, it blocks creativity, stifles individuality, and sets itself against the requirements of self esteem
If human life and happiness are the standard, not all cultural traditions are equal
Some version of woman as inferior is part of the cultural unconcious of just about every society we know of
The essence of the tribal mentality is that it makes the tribe as such the supreme good and denigrates the importance of the individual
Theoughout history, wherever religion has been state enforced, conciousness has been punished
What was so historically extraordinary about the creation of the United States of America was its concious rejectioj of the tribal premise
Ideas do matter and do have consequences
The American culture is a battleground between the values of self responsibility and the values of entitlement
The challenge is not to take assumptions of one’s culture as a goven,a s reality but to realize that assumptions can be questioned
Genuine self esteem is what we feel about ourselves when everything is not all right